[He glances sidelong at Erenville and his eyebrows twitch into a frown as the corners of his mouth turn downwards for a moment. Suddenly his cup seems very interesting.]
I'm okay, I just...
[Erenville had looked really frightened when he burst in on him like that. It had come from a place of concern, of course, but... E'kayan's ears pin back as he sips his coffee while he gathers his thoughts.]
[Well, yes. But anyone would be with how loud E'kayan had burst in like that and the bathroom amplified sound with all the tile. It would have startled anyone half to death. But Erenville was not about to chastise him about that.
Instead, the Viera scooted a little closer for where he sat on the coffee table (not very polite, but with how sore he felt he really did not want to have to keep himself at an angle if he could help it) so he could duck his head a little and try to catch E'kayan's eyes.]
Yes, I know. But that was quite a strong reaction. May I... guess that this is not the first time you have entered a room with signs of injury?
[Immediately, he exhales a sharp, breathy laugh and then snaps his jaw shut, tensing visibly.]
That's one way to put it.
[The Viera knows he's been through a lot, even if he's never really been directly involved with any of it, but that time feels like so many lifetimes ago now. He looks up at Erenville through his hair, his pupils dilating slightly when their eyes meet.]
... Have you ever heard of the Waking Sands? It was a place in Vesper Bay, the original base of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn.
[The next sip he takes of his coffee is clearly to give himself time to think. He isn't even being subtle about it.]
It was just after the Primal Titan was defeated. The first time around, anyway. I got a call from Minfilia, telling me to go back, so I did. I can't have been more than a few hours, but... [Ugh, gods... E'kayan swallows as his voice feels thick in his throat. He's never really talked about it. Not to anyone.]
There were people outside. I didn't even see them. I was... I was so damned eager to tell them all what I'd been able to do. So I went in, and... I saw one of the guards first. Face down on the floor. Then I smelled the blood.
[He can't look up. It's hard enough to get the words out as his emotions make his accent slip.]
... The Imperials 'ad killed ev'ryone they didn't deem worthy a' capture. An' I just... I couldn't do a damn thing.
[Erenville reached out and set his hand on E'kayan's head, between his ears.]
...Kayan.
[There wasn't much he could say. It was clear this had all been said and done and, if he remembered that rumor right, it had long since past. But it was clearly still fresh for the young man before him.]
I am sorry for being careless, for bringing up awful memories for you. But please... don't blame yourself. It was not your fault.
[Was he referring to now or before? Could be both or neither, and Erenville was not about to clarify. He did, however, feel bad for essentially triggering E'kayan. It was clearly not intentional, but the Viera felt awful anyway for it.]
[It isn't just that one thing, not really, though for most that would have been enough. It was everything that came after it as well, how long it had taken him to even begin to regain the kind of confidence he had walked into that building with that day.
He stills visibly when Erenville places his hand between his ears like that, addressing him in such a familiar way that is both unexpected and entirely warming. His fingers fidget with his half empty cup for a moment as he slowly exhales a steadying breath.]
I know. It never was, and Livia deserved worse than the quick death she got. [Deep breath. In, out.] But it wouldn't have brought any of them back, and she's gone now too, so...
[E'kayan sighs, gently nudging his head up against the hand on top of it.]
I shouldn't have lost it like that... but I couldn't stand that thought that I'd find you--... that there wouldn't be anything I could do for you either.
[Erenville doubted it was the one thing, but he was certainly not about to press about it. The tales of the Warrior of Light were heard by many, exaggerated or otherwise. Erenville only had the sure knowledge that Krile had divulged and that had only been the present matters at the time regarding the Final Days.
He let his hand slide of E'kayan's head, although not before brushing those unruly bangs aside.
It had been a slip, thay Erenville regarded the other man with such familiarity. But he found he did not regret it and the other did not protest. Still, he would be mindful in the future just in case. For now, he pulled back for now.]
I truly am sorry for being so careless. I did not mean to frighten you.
[The Miqo'te subconsciously tilts his head to follow the trail of Erenville's hand as it slides off his head, then he straightens up with an awkward, halfway-bashful smile sitting crookedly on his lips.]
'S fine. You couldn't have expected it, right?
[Shifting his cup to one hand he uses the other to fuss with the back of his hair, looking away from the other man as if meeting his eyes is just a little too much to ask.]
After everything, no one's going to expect the Warrior of Light to lose his mind because he saw a bit of blood on the floor.
But you are not just the Warrior of Light. You're a person, same as anyone else.
[Erenville would not have expected it, no. But that was because he largely did not know E'kayan as well as he would have liked. He did not have the same camaraderie as he did with the Scions. But given he had asked several menial tasks of the man when they first met, he also would not have suspected that E'kayan was the Warrior of Light and, truly, what was there to suspect?
The Warrior of Light was still a normal person, who happened have the ability to avert calamity time and time again. That had to come with consequences.
Not that Erenville could truly understand, though. He was no warrior, he hadn't been since he left the Wood.
He shook his head, his thoughts were simply circling at this point.]
A person with thoughts and feelings and experiences. I won't pretend to know what those were like, but I'm not going to assume you are just some mammet taking orders without your own opinions. I just hope that you will share the burden. Whether it is with me or someone else.
It's strange, how deeply hearing those words affects him. He finally looks up and meets Erenville's eyes but his own are slightly widened, his brow very lightly furrowed, lips pressed together as if he's about to say something to refute it. The words don't come, if they were ever going to in the first place, and instead his jaw untenses and he goes back to fiddling with his cup.
Though, this time, he doesn't take his eyes off the Viera's face.
He listens, one of his ears twitches, and it's... strange. The mantle of the Warrior of Light has been a heavy one for him to bear and at times it feels like it overwrites him completely in the eyes of others. Those times when he isn't recognised and sent on boring, menial little errands by people who have no idea of who he is remain some of his favourite things.
Through all of it, all the heartache and fighting and loss and stress upon stress he has so rarely been given the chance to just be himself. Sure, he's got better at taking the strain of it, at sharing it out when he needs to, but he sees the way that people look at him. Like he's some kind of hero. He still doesn't really feel as if he lives up to it.
E'kayan sets his cup aside finally and reaches out, almost timid as he takes both of Erenville's hands in his.]
... Thank you. [Then he laughs softly and grins, a flash of sharp canines, before he shakes his head and looks away again. Hadn't G'raha said a similar thing to him, once, not that long ago? He's lucky to have friends like this.] I'll... try to remember not to bottle it all up. I promise.
[Erenville's ears perk up straight when his hands are taken and his eyes widen a bit. He was not expecting the touch nor the intimacy that touch. It wasn't much, just holding his hand. But that, along with E'kayan's cute smile, had his cheeks warming. Thankfully, his charcoal colored skin hid the blush quite easily.]
I... you're welcome ... Kayan.
[It almost seemed wrong to use his full name, so aside from the stutter if nearly using the other man's full name, he dropped the E. It felt... better. This way.]
Then, would you like to get some dinner? I daresay all this has left me with quite the appetite.
[There it is again. His expression flickers faintly but he doesn't correct the familiar intimacy of dropping the tribal letter from his name. In the end, the letter is more of a courtesy than anything else... he's never visited the E tribe and isn't even sure of where he would find them if he wanted to, but he's always been aware of what it means to simply use his given name like that.
It's nice.
He rolls his thumbs over the gleaner's faintly calloused knuckles then gently slides his hands free.]
Mm, let's go somewhere. I was going to cook, but... I'm not really in the mood. [So it likely wouldn't be anything impressive if he did. He slips off the couch and stretches his arms over his head.] You sure you're feeling up to it? Your arms...
[His eyes linger on them as if he's thinking about something, though it would be easy to just assume he's ruminating on the earlier events again.]
[Erenville strangely already missed those hands. But he did not say much more. Instead, he stood up and grabbed both of their cups to dump and rinse in the sink. He set them aside.]
I could go for a burger, but we do not have the Last Stand here. Know of a good alternative?
[He called out as E'kayan ran off to get his jacket. Erenville's was still being washed, but the weather was fair so he would be fine without for today. He shook his head at the Miqo'te and opened the door.]
Fine. Then, perhaps I will order the most expensive dish on the menu.
Oof, think about my purse for a moment, would you?
[Not for a moment does he think that Erenville would actually choose the most expensive thing. The both of them are accustomed to living frugally when they have to and E'kayan doesn't often splash out on food (group celebrations notwithstanding), but he does intend to treat the Viera if only to assuage his own lingering guilt about both startling him and then dumping trauma on him like that...
Even if he asked.
He moves out into the corridor and then falls into step beside Erenville as they make their way out.]
But all the same, don't worry about how much it costs. We haven't really had the chance to do anything like this yet, right?
[Erenville chuckled, locking the door behind them. They were out of the building within moments as this was not a very large apartment.]
No, we have not. I can't really remember the last time I went out to dinner with someone else. I travel too much.
[And being a gleaner did mean frugal spending as well. The Last Stand wasn't all that expensive so that was usually the only place he felt he could truly "splurge".]
'Tis strange not doing so anymore. This world is quite small compared to our Star.
I'm almost always with other people but... we don't get the chance to sit down and have a meal together that often.
[There's always something going on, some new danger to face... The world just can't seem to stay fixed for five minutes. Sometimes it's exhausting, and what he wouldn't give to go back to a time in his life when things were simpler, but this is what his life is now. He's in far too deep to back out now.
But he nods in agreement while they walk and pushes his hands into his pockets.]
It is, yeah. I didn't realise just how small at first, but it doesn't take that much time to get through the parts of it that aren't taken over by the Darkness.
I am surprised. All this time and you Scions never enjoyed a meal together?
[It seemed odd, even with all the chaos the world seemed to bring over the years since Dalamud's fall. Even someone like Erenville, who was used to solitude, shared meals with his fellow gleaners from time to time. Old friends and colleagues from during his schooling years. Honestly, it was just an near foreign concept to Erenville.
That would need to change.]
Well, then I hope this is the first of many.
[They ate together at home but their friendship had still be more on the distancing side. Clearly, that had changed with E'kayan's opening up to him.]
Now, are we almost there? I don't know what I am looking for. Unless you mean to walk us all that way to Blossomcrown to that new diner that opened up.
[It sounded good but not exactly walking distance, either.]
I didn't say never... just not that often. The way the world keeps rolling into one disaster after another does keep us busy.
[Not a lot of down time when you're not only saving the world but the entire universe as well, even if you didn't realise it to begin with. And not only that, recent events have him thinking that he's probably going to end up having a hand in saving other worlds as well.
Sometimes it does feel too big for him, and yet... he just keeps on succeeding, somehow.]
We're almost there. If I was going to drag you all the way to Blossomcrown I'd warn you to have a snack first. [A grin. Come on, food before adventure, always.] It's just down this next street on the left. You should be able to smell it in a moment.
I suppose it would be easier said than done, but perhaps try to make time nonetheless?
[Everyone's gotta eat, after all. But Erenville was not really the one to talk, he tended to work alone so eating out with his fellow gleaners was not something he did all that often.
He shook his head with a chuckle. But, viera noses were not as sharp as a miqo'te's. They made up for that with their hearing. Nonetheless, he did eventually start smelling the food as they drew nearer. It definitely reminding him of the Last Stand.]
[Before he speeds up to head into the place he reaches out and grabs hold of Erenville's hand. He glances back over his shoulder with a bright smile and then tugs him along.
The food in the restaurant he picked is good, and he holds himself to the promise of paying for anything that Erenville has a mind to try. Once they've both had their fill (and E'kayan, honestly, ate a little bit too much) and they're heading home, the Miqo'te lets out a soft groan and stretches his arms up over his head.]
I really shouldn't have had dessert...
[He exhales a vaguely uncomfortable-sounding breath and scrunches his nose up.]
[And, of course, Erenville does not pick the expensive items on purpose. He does get a rather large and loaded hamburger, though. It was very tasty, as were the fries. It truly hit the spot much like the Last Stand did.
He chuckled at E'kayan's complaint and the look on his face.]
Because you assured me you had the room. Who was I to deny you?
[Not that Erenville didn't feel like he hadn't eaten his fill, either. He could certainly use a sit down, but the walk would do them some good. Well, perhaps not E'Kayan judging by how uncomfortable he looked.]
Do you need me to carry you home? You are light enough to carry.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-05-10 09:23 pm (UTC)[They itch and throb, but nothing he has not endured in the past. His golden eyes locked onto E'kayan's mismatched ones and his head tilted.]
How are you doing?
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Date: 2023-05-10 09:32 pm (UTC)[He glances sidelong at Erenville and his eyebrows twitch into a frown as the corners of his mouth turn downwards for a moment. Suddenly his cup seems very interesting.]
I'm okay, I just...
[Erenville had looked really frightened when he burst in on him like that. It had come from a place of concern, of course, but... E'kayan's ears pin back as he sips his coffee while he gathers his thoughts.]
I was worried about you.
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Date: 2023-05-10 09:37 pm (UTC)Instead, the Viera scooted a little closer for where he sat on the coffee table (not very polite, but with how sore he felt he really did not want to have to keep himself at an angle if he could help it) so he could duck his head a little and try to catch E'kayan's eyes.]
Yes, I know. But that was quite a strong reaction. May I... guess that this is not the first time you have entered a room with signs of injury?
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Date: 2023-05-10 09:42 pm (UTC)That's one way to put it.
[The Viera knows he's been through a lot, even if he's never really been directly involved with any of it, but that time feels like so many lifetimes ago now. He looks up at Erenville through his hair, his pupils dilating slightly when their eyes meet.]
... Have you ever heard of the Waking Sands? It was a place in Vesper Bay, the original base of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn.
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Date: 2023-05-10 10:39 pm (UTC)He nodded.]
I have come across it in my travels. Had even heard a rumor that all the Scions had been killed, but that clearly had not been the case.
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Date: 2023-05-10 10:58 pm (UTC)[The next sip he takes of his coffee is clearly to give himself time to think. He isn't even being subtle about it.]
It was just after the Primal Titan was defeated. The first time around, anyway. I got a call from Minfilia, telling me to go back, so I did. I can't have been more than a few hours, but... [Ugh, gods... E'kayan swallows as his voice feels thick in his throat. He's never really talked about it. Not to anyone.]
There were people outside. I didn't even see them. I was... I was so damned eager to tell them all what I'd been able to do. So I went in, and... I saw one of the guards first. Face down on the floor. Then I smelled the blood.
[He can't look up. It's hard enough to get the words out as his emotions make his accent slip.]
... The Imperials 'ad killed ev'ryone they didn't deem worthy a' capture. An' I just... I couldn't do a damn thing.
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Date: 2023-05-10 11:14 pm (UTC)...Kayan.
[There wasn't much he could say. It was clear this had all been said and done and, if he remembered that rumor right, it had long since past. But it was clearly still fresh for the young man before him.]
I am sorry for being careless, for bringing up awful memories for you. But please... don't blame yourself. It was not your fault.
[Was he referring to now or before? Could be both or neither, and Erenville was not about to clarify. He did, however, feel bad for essentially triggering E'kayan. It was clearly not intentional, but the Viera felt awful anyway for it.]
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Date: 2023-05-10 11:27 pm (UTC)He stills visibly when Erenville places his hand between his ears like that, addressing him in such a familiar way that is both unexpected and entirely warming. His fingers fidget with his half empty cup for a moment as he slowly exhales a steadying breath.]
I know. It never was, and Livia deserved worse than the quick death she got. [Deep breath. In, out.] But it wouldn't have brought any of them back, and she's gone now too, so...
[E'kayan sighs, gently nudging his head up against the hand on top of it.]
I shouldn't have lost it like that... but I couldn't stand that thought that I'd find you--... that there wouldn't be anything I could do for you either.
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Date: 2023-05-11 04:30 pm (UTC)He let his hand slide of E'kayan's head, although not before brushing those unruly bangs aside.
It had been a slip, thay Erenville regarded the other man with such familiarity. But he found he did not regret it and the other did not protest. Still, he would be mindful in the future just in case. For now, he pulled back for now.]
I truly am sorry for being so careless. I did not mean to frighten you.
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Date: 2023-05-11 05:02 pm (UTC)'S fine. You couldn't have expected it, right?
[Shifting his cup to one hand he uses the other to fuss with the back of his hair, looking away from the other man as if meeting his eyes is just a little too much to ask.]
After everything, no one's going to expect the Warrior of Light to lose his mind because he saw a bit of blood on the floor.
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Date: 2023-05-11 05:37 pm (UTC)[Erenville would not have expected it, no. But that was because he largely did not know E'kayan as well as he would have liked. He did not have the same camaraderie as he did with the Scions. But given he had asked several menial tasks of the man when they first met, he also would not have suspected that E'kayan was the Warrior of Light and, truly, what was there to suspect?
The Warrior of Light was still a normal person, who happened have the ability to avert calamity time and time again. That had to come with consequences.
Not that Erenville could truly understand, though. He was no warrior, he hadn't been since he left the Wood.
He shook his head, his thoughts were simply circling at this point.]
A person with thoughts and feelings and experiences. I won't pretend to know what those were like, but I'm not going to assume you are just some mammet taking orders without your own opinions. I just hope that you will share the burden. Whether it is with me or someone else.
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Date: 2023-05-11 06:53 pm (UTC)It's strange, how deeply hearing those words affects him. He finally looks up and meets Erenville's eyes but his own are slightly widened, his brow very lightly furrowed, lips pressed together as if he's about to say something to refute it. The words don't come, if they were ever going to in the first place, and instead his jaw untenses and he goes back to fiddling with his cup.
Though, this time, he doesn't take his eyes off the Viera's face.
He listens, one of his ears twitches, and it's... strange. The mantle of the Warrior of Light has been a heavy one for him to bear and at times it feels like it overwrites him completely in the eyes of others. Those times when he isn't recognised and sent on boring, menial little errands by people who have no idea of who he is remain some of his favourite things.
Through all of it, all the heartache and fighting and loss and stress upon stress he has so rarely been given the chance to just be himself. Sure, he's got better at taking the strain of it, at sharing it out when he needs to, but he sees the way that people look at him. Like he's some kind of hero. He still doesn't really feel as if he lives up to it.
E'kayan sets his cup aside finally and reaches out, almost timid as he takes both of Erenville's hands in his.]
... Thank you. [Then he laughs softly and grins, a flash of sharp canines, before he shakes his head and looks away again. Hadn't G'raha said a similar thing to him, once, not that long ago? He's lucky to have friends like this.] I'll... try to remember not to bottle it all up. I promise.
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Date: 2023-05-12 12:11 am (UTC)I... you're welcome ... Kayan.
[It almost seemed wrong to use his full name, so aside from the stutter if nearly using the other man's full name, he dropped the E. It felt... better. This way.]
Then, would you like to get some dinner? I daresay all this has left me with quite the appetite.
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Date: 2023-05-12 12:23 am (UTC)It's nice.
He rolls his thumbs over the gleaner's faintly calloused knuckles then gently slides his hands free.]
Mm, let's go somewhere. I was going to cook, but... I'm not really in the mood. [So it likely wouldn't be anything impressive if he did. He slips off the couch and stretches his arms over his head.] You sure you're feeling up to it? Your arms...
[His eyes linger on them as if he's thinking about something, though it would be easy to just assume he's ruminating on the earlier events again.]
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Date: 2023-05-12 12:45 am (UTC)[Erenville strangely already missed those hands. But he did not say much more. Instead, he stood up and grabbed both of their cups to dump and rinse in the sink. He set them aside.]
I could go for a burger, but we do not have the Last Stand here. Know of a good alternative?
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Date: 2023-05-12 12:52 am (UTC)The consideration of where they might go feels like a better use of his brainpower and he cocks his head to one side in thought.]
I know a place. It's no Last Stand, but it should be good enough for your discerning tastes.
[A wink, a grin, as if none of the upset ever happened. E'kayan whisks himself away to grab his jacket then heads to the door to wait.]
I'm buying. No arguments.
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Date: 2023-05-12 12:57 am (UTC)[He called out as E'kayan ran off to get his jacket. Erenville's was still being washed, but the weather was fair so he would be fine without for today. He shook his head at the Miqo'te and opened the door.]
Fine. Then, perhaps I will order the most expensive dish on the menu.
[He would not.]
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Date: 2023-05-12 02:38 pm (UTC)[Not for a moment does he think that Erenville would actually choose the most expensive thing. The both of them are accustomed to living frugally when they have to and E'kayan doesn't often splash out on food (group celebrations notwithstanding), but he does intend to treat the Viera if only to assuage his own lingering guilt about both startling him and then dumping trauma on him like that...
Even if he asked.
He moves out into the corridor and then falls into step beside Erenville as they make their way out.]
But all the same, don't worry about how much it costs. We haven't really had the chance to do anything like this yet, right?
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Date: 2023-05-12 02:56 pm (UTC)No, we have not. I can't really remember the last time I went out to dinner with someone else. I travel too much.
[And being a gleaner did mean frugal spending as well. The Last Stand wasn't all that expensive so that was usually the only place he felt he could truly "splurge".]
'Tis strange not doing so anymore. This world is quite small compared to our Star.
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Date: 2023-05-12 03:01 pm (UTC)[There's always something going on, some new danger to face... The world just can't seem to stay fixed for five minutes. Sometimes it's exhausting, and what he wouldn't give to go back to a time in his life when things were simpler, but this is what his life is now. He's in far too deep to back out now.
But he nods in agreement while they walk and pushes his hands into his pockets.]
It is, yeah. I didn't realise just how small at first, but it doesn't take that much time to get through the parts of it that aren't taken over by the Darkness.
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Date: 2023-05-12 11:55 pm (UTC)[It seemed odd, even with all the chaos the world seemed to bring over the years since Dalamud's fall. Even someone like Erenville, who was used to solitude, shared meals with his fellow gleaners from time to time. Old friends and colleagues from during his schooling years. Honestly, it was just an near foreign concept to Erenville.
That would need to change.]
Well, then I hope this is the first of many.
[They ate together at home but their friendship had still be more on the distancing side. Clearly, that had changed with E'kayan's opening up to him.]
Now, are we almost there? I don't know what I am looking for. Unless you mean to walk us all that way to Blossomcrown to that new diner that opened up.
[It sounded good but not exactly walking distance, either.]
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Date: 2023-05-16 04:48 pm (UTC)[Not a lot of down time when you're not only saving the world but the entire universe as well, even if you didn't realise it to begin with. And not only that, recent events have him thinking that he's probably going to end up having a hand in saving other worlds as well.
Sometimes it does feel too big for him, and yet... he just keeps on succeeding, somehow.]
We're almost there. If I was going to drag you all the way to Blossomcrown I'd warn you to have a snack first. [A grin. Come on, food before adventure, always.] It's just down this next street on the left. You should be able to smell it in a moment.
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Date: 2023-05-25 02:50 pm (UTC)[Everyone's gotta eat, after all. But Erenville was not really the one to talk, he tended to work alone so eating out with his fellow gleaners was not something he did all that often.
He shook his head with a chuckle. But, viera noses were not as sharp as a miqo'te's. They made up for that with their hearing. Nonetheless, he did eventually start smelling the food as they drew nearer. It definitely reminding him of the Last Stand.]
That I certainly do. It smells good.
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Date: 2023-05-27 09:48 pm (UTC)[Before he speeds up to head into the place he reaches out and grabs hold of Erenville's hand. He glances back over his shoulder with a bright smile and then tugs him along.
The food in the restaurant he picked is good, and he holds himself to the promise of paying for anything that Erenville has a mind to try. Once they've both had their fill (and E'kayan, honestly, ate a little bit too much) and they're heading home, the Miqo'te lets out a soft groan and stretches his arms up over his head.]
I really shouldn't have had dessert...
[He exhales a vaguely uncomfortable-sounding breath and scrunches his nose up.]
Why didn't you stop me?
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Date: 2023-05-29 07:58 pm (UTC)He chuckled at E'kayan's complaint and the look on his face.]
Because you assured me you had the room. Who was I to deny you?
[Not that Erenville didn't feel like he hadn't eaten his fill, either. He could certainly use a sit down, but the walk would do them some good. Well, perhaps not E'Kayan judging by how uncomfortable he looked.]
Do you need me to carry you home? You are light enough to carry.
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